Summer songs. They are the soundtrack of the best months of our lives- that night in the club, your weekend road trip with the bestie, roasting s’mores on the beach….and they just keeping playing them and playing them and playing them. Perhaps these bops were great the first 100,000 times you heard them, but there’s something about hearing the same song playing on every radio station 5 times per hour that makes you want to cut the cord… permanently.
While these songs did their job by providing us with some good times and even better memories, it’s time to hit stop on these overplayed summer songs and make room for anything other than Taylor Swift‘s new single. #SorryNotSorry.
1. “Despacito” by Luis Fonzi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber
It’s that song you love but have no clue what the lyrics mean, so while you’re trying to sing them properly you wind up just sounding drunk. Hey, I guess we weren’t all A+ Spanish students. Well, that was fun — you know, in May when the song first hit radios. But now we’re almost in September and we know that not even the Biebs knows the lyrics, so it’s time to just call it quits.
2. “Malibu” by Miley Cyrus
Awe Miley! Looking so happy and controversial-free (almost) with her creamy, dreamy cropped knit sweater skipping on the beaches of Malibu. She was giving us those look-at-me-I-used-to-be-Hannah-Montana vibes — and don’t be too proud to admit you almost shed a tear thinking back to Disney Miley. However, the song’s elementary lyrics were straight outta second grade and if we replaced Miley’s voice with Elmo’s we could have been watching an episode of Sesame Street.
But thanks for reminding us to make that hair appointment to get our roots touched up, check!
3. Any Song by a Former Member of One Direction
Harry Styles, Liam Payne, and Niall Horan are like the three dragons on Game of Thrones coming down upon us to kill us all with their overplayed summer hits. These boys-to-men have broken free from the 1D umbilical cord and are now running amok on our radio stations, singing us WTF lyrics about sweaty dirty laundry and getting low. Whether your hands are fast or slow, this is the “Sign of the Times,” that these songs have run their course and it’s time to move onto new hits. Or, you know, playing Midnight Memories again. We were about to treat Louis Tomlinson to some all-you-can-eat pancakes at IHOP to show our appreciation for not releasing a single this summer, except he blindsided us at the end of July with a new single. Sneaky little dude. The only thing I’ll say about that one is that it’s almost new enough that it doesn’t literally give me a headache every time it comes up on shuffle.
4. “Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur
This is the James Arthur song that creeps up on your BFF’s playlist between Kendrick Lamar and Calvin Harris that makes you pause your best car dance-moves and say ‘reeeeallly??!?’ This song is deep, profound and gets you in that vulnerable life space that should only be experienced alone with your seven cats. These lyrics are indicators that you’ve got a stage five clinger on your hands — back off Jimmy, we will let go if we want to! It’s honestly got no place as a “summer jam,” yet it’s been played consistently for these warmer months as if it were an anthem for that Emo summer of darkness.
5. “Swish Swish” by Katy Perry
This song had, like a ~second~ of juicy intrigue because it was a punch in the throat to Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood,” but now we are so over it. Sure, Katy is the queen of camp and this song takes the day-old cake. I mean, “as cute as an old coupon expired?” Please! For the love of humanity. Let this feud end so we, the public, aren’t subjected to summer songs that are SOA (stale on arrival). To quote “Swish Swish” itself, “Your game is tired. You should retire.”
6. Any song by The Chainsmokers or feat. The Chainsmokers
In my next life, I want to come back as a Chainsmoker because I literally will have owned the summer charts year after year. There’s something about subpar mainstream-y EDM that gets people pumped. Every song is like your jelly jam, but then it’s suddenly like, why did you have to beat it like a dead horse? Radio stations are the ultimate offenders. Like, “hey — fans like this song! Let’s play it until their ears *literally* bleed!” Great idea…
7. “Believer”by Imagine Dragons
Imagine Dragons are like the rock Gods of summer and a much-welcomed addition to our playlists after being saturated with boy band fugitives and pop “icons.” However, “Believer” is that song that gets stuck in your head when you least expect it and never wanted it there in the first place. You’re perusing the aisles at Target and the sound of your plastic shopping cart matches the beat of the song. You’re in line at Starbucks and can’t decide between the spinach feta wrap or the steak and egg burrito because you’re a “Believer” in both. Soon the song (and Ibuprofen) become like the PB&J; of your life. Get out of my head and my life, “Believer”! I BEG.
8. “It Ain’t Me” by Kygo & Selena Gomez
Not gonna lie, this is the song spin class was made for but let’s be honest and admit that it’s time for SelGo to take a nap for the rest of the summer (Unless she’s singing “Fetish” which we’re still not over). This song started out as a catchy tune that gave us all weekend vibes straight out of a ‘Spiritual Gangster’ t-shirt ad, but by summer’s end, it became the Sunday Funday hangover that never ends. Plus, it honestly came out like last Winter — if you’re a true Selena fan then by the time summer even came you were over it.
9.”Versace on the Floor” by Bruno Mars
It’s hard to list anything by Bruno Mars we are so done with (his music generally transcends time), but “Versace on the Floor” unfortunately didn’t make the cut for his best songs. First off, can’t relate. Can we make it “Forever 21 on the Floor”? Or at least “Alice & Olivia Clearance Rack on the Floor”? If I could afford Versace, it sure as all hell wouldn’t be on the floor… I’d be holding it in my hand while I made out with Bruno. This is the song that plays during last call. When the lights go up and your bad Tinder date is helicoptering you for a kiss, but you are hoping you can make one last bathroom stop and sneak out the back door (or window, tbh) and hop into a Lyft where this song is STILL playing on the radio. Ygggh. Let’s give a nice RIP to this song, while we still pop a beat to a little “24K Magic” because that song is forever young.
10.”I’m the One” by DJ Khaled feat. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper & Lil Wayne
Let’s set aside the fact that this song sounds eerily like “Always Be My Baby” by Mariah Carey and focus on the real issue — this song is nails-on-the-chalkboard-at-pilgrim-school boring! DJ Khaled crept up on summer like a bad sunburn and left us with blisters like this song. JB’s nine-year old voice gives up those summer camp feels — the time you fell into a bed of poison ivy at summer camp, that is. This song had a shelf life of only a couple of listen-to’s and then it was down swimming with the rest of summer’s forgotten hits like pretty much every Sean Paul song. Let’s hope “Wild Thoughts” won’t take a dive into the murky waters, too, cause we’re still diggin’ it.
11. “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran
Remember when Ed Sheeran used to be your dirty little red-headed secret that nobody knew about? Now everyone is in love with Eddie boy and marking their territory by constantly playing his songs. When “Shape of You” came out, it was everyone’s favorite song and then it quickly became your eye-roll trigger. Please! “Shape of You” is overrated, but only in public when you’re listening to it with other fake fans. In private, when you’re at home alone with your fuzzy pen and Ed Sheeran scrapbook, it is the greatest song ever.
12. “Attention” by Charlie Puth
Charlie and his hit-making factory has done it again with “Attention.” It’s like Nick Jonas died and came back to possess the body of Charlie and we got “Jealous” all over again. Here, he is practically crying that we’re not coming home with him tonight because we’re so self-obsessed when really all we wanted were some tacos, not attention at all but he jumped to conclusions and made himself look like a fool. Which is funny considering the stunt he pulled last December. The whole boy-in-distress song is as stale as the bagel I had this morning. Come back to us, the real Nick J., or we will have to suffer at the hands of Charlie Puth forever.
13. “There’s Nothing Holding Me Back” by Shawn Mendes
This one was a tough one, folks. Is he even of legal age? Shawn always blesses us with a summer hit, but usually, they leave us in Stitches — as in cracking up because this dude is like, twelve and complaining about love. You don’t even know what love is! This song was his first grown-up song that we could all actually related to which is probably why people got excited and played it on a loop everywhere. This is what I like to call “the theme song for your local shopping mall.” Like every Macy’s, Banana Republic, and J. Crew had this song playing… which coincidentally made me want to spend more money, because “there’s nothing holding me back.”
14. “Friends” by Justin Bieber and BloodPop
Shocking! Justin Bieber pops up again on this list like that forehead zit right before picture re-take day. Where did this song even come from and why couldn’t the guy give us another never-ending bop like “Sorry” or “What Do You Mean?” It was like a “sorry I f*cked you guys up and canceled my tour… but here’s a quick song I just came up with in the shower this morning and a half-eaten breadstick.” I am not a Belieber after this lazy song drop.
15. “Feel It Still” by Portugal.The Man
“Feel It Still” is one of those tricky songs that plays mind games on you. One second you’re like, “Wow! This song is amazing! OMG, turn it up!” but by the literal end of the song you’re dreaming of the time before radios and Spotify existed because it would save you from this pain if you could go back in time and murder the person who created music in the first place.
16. “Look What You Made Me Do” by Taylor Swift
What?! This song just came out… how can it already be on this list? BECAUSE IT IS! Don’t pretend like you weren’t waiting by iTunes for this song to appear so you could be one of the first Swifties to listen to it. But then your smile turned into a sour lemon pucker because you were wanting Taylor to fly in on a bedazzled unicorn wearing a millennial pink wig, but instead, she’s like hard-core Fifty Shades dominatrix pulling the same old &h;^! and adding to the pre-existing pages in her burn book about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and Katy Perry. Yes, we can admit that the music video is pretty bad ass. But it’s only two days old and I’m sure it’ll be overdone in no time.