Okay, Cole Sprouse is hot. It’s undeniable. I don’t know how watching him play a character named Jughead on Riverdale, a show about meddling high schoolers, is what made many of us realize our deep attraction to him, but here we are. And thanks to Twitter, I can see how he actually really is the guy for me (and probably you too), and not just a misanthropic teen on TV.
Actually, after I thought about it for a while, I realized that I’ve been following him on Twitter for months and months, and he’s always been hilarious. How could we have slept on our feelings for him for so long? While we sit and ponder what has been wrong with us for our entire adult lives, here are 16 tweets that prove he’s perfect in every way.
His questionable fashion choices:
Just kidding, this is just another thing that emphasizes how funny he is, because if you’ve spent any time on his Instagram, you know he has better style than all of us put together. But he’ll say anything for a joke, including insinuating that he wears a fanny pack consistently and uses it to carry food that’s not meant to be transported.
How rude he is to his brother:
I don’t know what we did to deserve such an incredible duo online, but Cole and Dylan Sprouse are it. Their incessant banter and sharp wits never fail to create entertainment online. They endlessly mock each other in the best way possible. We are lucky to bear witness.
His love for his Riverdale castmates:
Cole’s bromance with Riverdale co-star KJ Apa, who is his character’s best friend, is almost as legendary as his hilarious banter with his brother, and it ramps up on Wednesday nights with love and humor between the whole cast. He’s also rumored to be dating his other co-star, Lili Reinhart, who is also his onscreen love interest. So there are obviously a lot of layers of love here and we ship ’em all.
This question from a fan that still needs answers:
And don’t forget Cole’s answer:
Honestly I shouldn’t have to explain why this exchange is funny and why this makes him the perfect man for all of us. But seriously, why TF does Cole have bread in his pocket? I couldn’t tell you.
When he gets real:
This is just one of many threads that prove Cole Sprouse is more than just a funny guy. He’s commenting on an issue of incredible national importance and examining the role that the field he works in plays. Bravo, Cole.
He’s a feminist:
Cole Sprouse is the self-aware gem that we all have been waiting for, and one we more than deserve in this sea of terrible, awful guys we’ve been hearing about pretty much every day for the past few months. He uses his position of power (I mean, at least his large number of followers) as a way to occasionally call others out on their crap, and we are so here for it.
His dating advice is on point:
I mean, kind of. He never fails to offer a healthy dose of reality, but he does it in a way that makes you laugh at yourself instead of feel bad. Here he’s poking fun at questions that girls ask about guys, but we can’t even be angry because he’s helping us all laugh at ourselves, too. He’s that good.
He cares about education:
Here he is giving us all a little reminder about grammar. Thanks, Cole, this was a huge help while writing this article. (Also, seriously, how are we ever supposed to know which way it goes when there are so many exceptions to the so-called ‘rule’?! SMDH.)
He knows what he’s about:
Some things in this world are just too honest — too pure — to keep to ourselves. And Cole Sprouse is the master of packaging them for us in just the right way to have maximum comedic impact. This tweet, in particular, changed me.
He’s doing God’s work:
Maybe this is a personal thing, but I think trolling Donald Trump on Twitter is the responsibility of every “social media influencer.” And of course, there are plenty of tweets where Cole Sprouse is actually commenting on the importance of protesting governments you’re unhappy with and specific points that he disagrees with. But asking Trump to prom on Twitter, and point out what a joke this human is, is an equally important facet of the world we live in now.
He has mixed feelings about being famous:
Here’s that self-awareness we love. No one has as many mixed feelings about Cole Sprouse’s fame as he does. He thinks it’s hilarious, uses it to his advantage but also never fails to poke fun at himself and everything that goes along with the lifestyle of the ~rich and famous~.
He is not afraid to also drag himself:
It’s alright Cole. We get it. Our childhoods may not be as well-documented as yours, but our diaries and home videos are just as cringe-worthy. Stay strong, buddy.
He’s an innovator:
The advent of social media gave us all a platform to speak our minds, but not all of us needed it. Cole Sprouse needed it. He is bringing us great ideas like this one right here day and night, and we should all be thankful for it.
Free advice on how to get followers:
When someone like Cole Sprouse gives you a tip about how to enhance your social media presence, even if it’s sarcastic and vaguely offensive to ukelele players, there’s a good chance you should take it. And he’s not wrong about the pizza. Everyone loves pizza.
His problems are our problems
It’s nice to know that even celebrities have grandmas who are grossly misusing the internet in the 21st century, even when you ask them not to and ignore them for years. He’s just like us, guys, and that’s good news for the quality of our future marriage.
Oh yeah… forgot to mention how gorgeous he is. Those piercing eyes, that beautiful hair! He posts pictures pretty few and far between, but when he does and he’s not dressed like Jughead or 10 years old, it’s incredible. I suggest you follow him ASAP.