Christmas is just around the corner, and as you get into the Christmas spirit, there are some Christmas songs that you may think twice about playing, especially once you realize their strangely sexual undertones. Because, as it turns out there are a lot of Christmas songs that are about getting laid.
Some are decades are old, and some are pretty new, but once you really hear the lyrics, it’s going to be hard to view the songs as innocent once again. That said, if you’re planning on being in a situation where you find yourself needing some mood music during the holidays, these songs may provide you with just that!
16. “All I Want For Christmas Is You”
Mariah Carey’s 1994 hit “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is perhaps one of the most iconic Christmas songs in the history of Christmas music. While there is no doubt that this track is romantic, it also has a bit of a naughty side to it. With lyrics including, “Cause I just want you here tonight/ Holding on to me so tight,” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that she may not just be talking about cuddling.
15. “Christmas Tree”
Lady Gaga also has a Christmas song, and if you’re looking for some holiday romance, her “Christmas Tree” tune may set the tone. With lyrics like, “Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe / Yes, everybody knows / We will take off our clothes”… UM, OKAY! You don’t get more obvious lyrics about getting laid than the mention of taking off clothes…
14. “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm”
Even in 1937, Christmas songs had a naughty undertone. And Billie Holiday’s track, “I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm” has the lyrics, “Why do I care how much it may storm / I’ve got my love to keep me warm.” This could be interpreted as being innocent enough, but then again, it’s probably not.
13. “Sleigh Ride”
This is one song that has been redone multiple times, but the best version of “Sleigh Ride” was done by The Ronettes in 1983. Lyrics of this track include, “Our cheeks are nice and rosy, and comfy cozy are we. We’re snuggled up together, like two birds of a feather would be.” Hmmm… Snuggling in front of the fireplace or perhaps snuggled up somewhere else?
12. “Winter Wonderland”
“Winter Wonderland” is a song that has had multiple renditions, but one of the most memorable versions belongs to the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. In 1971, Elvis released the pop hit, with lyrics including, “In the meadow, we can build a snowman / And pretend that he is Parson Brown / He’ll say are you married we say no man / But you can do the job when you’re in town.” The give away here is the part where the song states, “you can do the job when you’re in town bit” — and they don’t mean painting or fixing leaky plumbing.
11. “I’ll Be Your Santa, Baby”
Rufus Thomas’s Christmas song, “I’ll Be Your Santa, Baby” definitely leaves nothing to the imagination with lyrics like, “I’ll slide down your chimney and bring you lots of joy / What I got for you, Mama, it ain’t just a toy.” LIKE… ARE YOU F*#$ing kidding me!?
10. “Trim Your Tree”
Another song that is *a bit* less subtle is “Trim Your Tree” by Jimmy Butler. These lyrics definitely got Jimmy on the naughty list, with words including, “Baby, I’ll make you cheery / Baby, you’ll call me ‘dearie’ / Baby, I want to trim you / a beautiful Christmas tree.” For those who still don’t get it (c’mon!), he’s not really talking about her tree.
9. “Let’s Make Christmas Merry, Baby”
Amos Milburn’s 1949 Christmas song, “Let’s Make Christmas Merry, Baby” is not so obvious in it’s lyrics, but it does hint at something sexual with the part where Milbun sings about letting him be Santa Claus. He then adds that he wants to “slide down your chimney.” Oh wait, it definitely is obvious! Wanting to slide down a chimney?! We know what that means!
8. “Santa Claus is Back in Town”
Yet another Elvis Presley song to make this list is “Santa Claus is Back in Town.” Damn, this guy definitely wasn’t on the Nice List! The track was released in 1957, and includes the lyrics, “Hang up your pretty stockings / turn off your light / Santa Claus is comin’ down your chimney tonight.” Oh, Elvis! Why can’t we have nice things?!
7. “Merry Christmas, Baby”
Otis Redding’s song, “Merry Christmas, Baby” was first recorded in 1947… aaaand the lyrics definitely HINT at something sexual. They read, “You sure been good to me / Haven’t had a taste this morning / but I’m all lit up like a Christmas tree.” What does he mean by “lit up”? On second thought, I don’t want to know!
6. “Back Door Santa”
Quite possibly the dirtiest Christmas song — even the title is pretty damn raunchy — is “Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter. The track was released back in 1968, and the lyrics say, “They call me Back Door Santa / I make my runs about the break of day / I make all the little girls happy / While the boys are out to play.” In hindsight, this song is actually straight-up creepy and we should officially retire it from Christmas playlists.
5. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
OKAY — I don’t understand how this song is not more devastating for the countless kids listening to it every year. “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is another popular Christmas song that has been redone multiple times, but the original was sung by Jimmy Boyd. The track was recorded in 1952, and if you’re wondering why his voice sounds so sweet, that’s because he was just 13-years-old at the time when it was recorded. Still, creepy song about Mommy “kissing” and “tickling” Santa Claus?! No thanks.
4. “Santa Baby”
“Santa Baby” was originally recorded in 1953 by Eartha Kitt. And while the lyrics are all about being a ~good girl~, there is a subtle and sexual undertone that suggests that’s not really what she means. The lyrics include, “Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me. Been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.” She definitely wants more than just presents!
3. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”
“Baby, It’s Cold Outside” was written by Frank Loesser in 1944, so, unsurprisingly, it’s been remade about a billion times over the years. It’s one of the most well-known songs, and beloved by many as a favorite track to sing along to during the Christmastime.
While some could argue it’s about getting laid, many others argue the song is actually about date rape. Dark for a Christmas song, no?
2. “Santa Tell Me”
Ariana Grande released the track “Santa Tell Me” in 2013, and while it’s not your typical Christmas song about getting laid… the lyrics are pretty suggestive and include some subtle (yet strangely obvious) clues to a more mature meaning. The 20-year-old (at the time of its release) sang, “Santa, tell me if he really cares? / ‘Cause I can’t give it all away if he won’t be here/ Next year.” Think about it, what does she mean if she’s singing about giving it ~all~ away? HINT: It’s the v-card.
1. “The Mistletoe Jam”
Luther Vandross’s song, “The Mistletoe Jam” may seem tame to some. But on another listen (or during a reading of the lyrics), you can tell it’s ANYTHING but that. Luther sings, “Glad I got big feet / ‘Cause they’re so good for dancin’ / Glad you got big legs / ‘Cause they’re so good when we’re romancin’ / You still got the flavor / And I’m hungry for your love.” Big legs good for “romancin'”? Plus, you know what they say about big feet… *winks*