For six complete seasons we’ve been trying to watch American Horror Story and convincing ourselves that it’s *not that scary, we’ll be fine*. Each season we are even more wrong. This is the show responsible for our nightmares every year from Murder House to Cult and everywhere in between.
In lieu of the suspense for the remaining episodes of season seven, we’ve been reminding ourselves just how creepy each character we’ve been introduced to in the past is. Everyone has shown their own effed up charm whether they’re a serial killer or a creature created by piecing together infant remains, for example. Although there is literally no character on the show who isn’t at least the slightest bit creepy, here are 16 of the worst characters from American Horror Story, ranked from just slightly creepy to f*cking terrifying.
16. Mary Eunice, American Horror Story: Asylum
Sister Mary Eunice was a nun serving at the Asylum. On the surface, she appeared to be shy and reserved until she became possessed by the Devil. She became the human host of a demon after an exorcism and death of one of the patients. She then became extremely manipulative, often taunting Sister Jude, which cruelly sent her into a downward spiral.
15. John Lowe, American Horror Story: Hotel
John Lowe is a detective who found himself investigating murders that brought him to Hotel Cortez. John is constantly questioning the actions of the Ten Commandments Killer. In his search for answers, he becomes aware that James March was responsible for the murders but John himself finished his acts unconsciously. It makes a little more sense if you watch the season, but regardless, super creepy.
14. Piggy Man, American Horror Story: Roanoke
There isn’t a shortage of spirits haunting the Roanoke House or its grounds and Piggy Man is just one of them. Piggy Man was once a deserter of the colony who got punished for being a thief. As “penance for his betrayal,” the Butcher nailed a pig’s tail to his tailbone, forced him to wear a pig’s head, and roasted him. We are just scared that he still haunts the place and makes piggy noises.
13. The Addiction Demon, Hotel
We are still so confused about the addiction demon that shows up in Hotel. Confused, terrified, and left without answers.
The demon looks like a wax figure that is sexually aggressive and violent. James March said it was brought into existence by the various drug addicts that inhibited the hotel. All we know is that he appears in the hotel as well as in our nightmares. This GIF is enough to make it hard to go to sleep at night.
12. Dandy Mott, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Although he was never hard on the eyes, Dandy Mott associated most with the performers of the freak show. The troupe’s denial did not come easy to the man-child since he was used to having everything his way, so his mother hired Twisty the Clown for his entertainment. To his amusement, he went on to become the serial killer clown’s self-appointed protégé. If that isn’t creepy enough, he literally bathed in human blood. His good looks almost make it creepier.
11. Delphine LaLaurie, American Horror Story: Coven
Delphine LaLaurie was once a wealthy socialite who became an extremely messed up and racist serial killer. She would keep her slaves in a torture chamber where she would murder them and use their blood for her own selfish beauty treatments. Delphine got what she deserved when she crossed Mari Laveau and became cursed to immortality. What’s worse is that her head was chopped off leaving her to live forever without a body. Sux2sux.
10. Dr. Arthur Arden, Asylum
Dr. Arthur Arden is a former Nazi war criminal-turned-physician and administrator at the asylum. Arden was kept in the asylum under the belief that his scientific research could aid humanity. The doctor would perform experiments on the “physically ill” patients and once he was done with them, he would release them into the forest as mutated creatures. Needless to say, Dr. Arden was incredibly disturbed.
9. Fiona Goode, Coven
Fiona Goode was the former Supreme of the coven of Salem descendants. She was incredibly power hungry and would do anything possible to keep her title as the head witch. In an attempt to attain eternal youth, Fiona contacts Papa Legba and asks to be made immortal. She is denied because she literally has no soul to trade. Therefore, to keep her status and power, she murders most characters who pose a threat.
8. The Countess, Hotel
Elizabeth, the countess is the former owner of Hotel Cortez and the wife of James March. She is an extremely deadly and creepy 112-year-old (still looks great though) who kills with her sharp nailed glove. She was given a virus that grants eternal youth at the cost of requiring a diet of fresh human blood. She engages in an array of sexual encounters during the season often ending in a blood bath. Essentially, the Countess is a lot of drama and someone whose path you wouldn’t want to cross. Hi, Lady Gaga.
7. Tate Langdon, American Horror Story: Murder House
Tate lured us in by coming off as the extremely charming and handsome high school boy. Nevertheless, he was a psychiatric patient fostering plenty of dark secrets (in classic AHS fashion). Those secrets included a mass shooting at a high school and setting his mother’s boyfriend on fire. We later found out that Tate donned a rubber suit to rape and impregnate his girlfriend’s mom. Oh, and there was the fact that he was actually just a ghost haunting everyone in the mansion. That, too.
Despite his despicable acts, most AHS fans still wanted to bone him which just might make us the creepiest part of the show but w/e.
6. Papa Legba, Coven
Papa Legba balances the scales of life and death as the gatekeeper to the afterlife. He is a very essential part of any Voodoo ritual as he guides the summoned spirits back to the spirit world. Marie Laveau is the Voodoo queen who sold her soul to Papa Legba in return for immortality. All that he asked in return was the annual sacrifice of an innocent life whenever he pleased. NBD, right?
5. The Butcher, Roanoke
The Butcher is the leader of the lost colony of Roanoke. She was betrayed by her colony and left to starve in the forest where she ran into Scáthach who offered her a raw pig heart in return for her soul. Once she regained strength, she returned to the camp and murdered those who betrayed her. Now the Butcher continues to rule the colony and slaughter those on the ground during a blood moon.
4. James March, Hotel
Serial killer James March was the designer of the haunted Hotel Cortez. AKA he got crafty in creating a plethora of hidden hallways and secret rooms in order to get away with murder. After completing the first Ten Commandments murders, James was approached by the police and slit his own throat. Since then, the ghosts of his victims and himself have remained trapped in the hotel determined to inspire others to kill.
3. Infantata, Murder House
For starters, just look at that face. Infantata hardly had screen time but the little he had was enough for permanent damage. The young ghost haunted the mansion in Murder House where he resided in the basement. The unfortunate appearance was all thanks to his dad having sewn together his dismembered body parts. Lovely.
2. Twisty the Clown, Freak Show
Twisty is a man of few words but with a face (mask) like his there’s no denying the fear factor. There’s also the fact that he wears said mask because he shot off his entire jaw with a shotgun. Twisty the Clown was a jealous clown unable to find work after rumors spread that he was molesting children. The clown went on a horrible killing spree and held many children hostage.
If that’s not enough, he has returned for the current season of AHS: Cult.
1. Dr. Oliver Thredson, Asylum
Surprised? Me too, sorta. Dr. Oliver Thredson from Asylum literally said himself that he’s “clearly insane!” Thredson, also known as Bloody Face, was an orphan who longed for a maternal figure in his life. This led him to seek out women that reminded him of his mother and everyone who didn’t fit the part would get skinned and beheaded. The psychiatrist was brought into the asylum to judge the sanity of Kit Walker who was falsely accused of the Bloody Face murders. Obviously, it quickly became apparent that the doctor himself was insane. While you might think Twisty should get the #1 Creepster award, but at least you can expect a creepy clown to murder everyone. A normal-looking psychiatrist flipping the script and becoming a psycho killer is just slightly worse.